Let me just start by making it clear that I’m not the most religious guy out there. I’m your classic Irish/Italian Catholic who went through the motions as a child of begrudgingly going to church on Sundays while having no idea what was being talked about, avoiding alone time with priests, eventually getting communion and having my confirmation, and then ultimately no longer stepping foot on church property except for the occasional holiday, wedding or funeral. And even on those days I’m not thrilled to be there, usually because I sit in a ball of anxiety waiting to be struck down by lightning or hit by a falling piece of stained glass.
Yet I am well versed enough in Catholicism and religion to know a little bit about the antichrist. The opposite of Jesus, the one who is going to signal end times. A mythical creature in the bible who would show themselves to the world one day without us even realizing it and creating a lapse in our ecosystem that would bring about the apocalypse and signal that the end of days is near.
This antichrist would show up in a way we would not even suspect, but through its actions we’d soon realize. Something so devastating would have to happen that any layman would be able to see that something in the world was not right and we are currently on a path of destruction. The very way we have lived our lives for years would have to be so thrown off course and we wouldn’t even bat an eye at it. While to some the mere mention of the antichrist may mean the usual apocalyptic signs would show themselves, locusts and tsunamis and someone building a boat large enough to house two of each animal, a male and a female, in order to start over once it’s all said and done. Except… what if we no longer even identify genders? What if we can’t pick two of each animal because social media has decided gender isn’t a thing anymore. We’ve suddenly become inundated with parents claiming their kids were born the wrong gender at ages as young as 3 even though most of us at that age could barely wipe our own ass or form full sentences. Rather than acknowledge the absurdity of this life altering (and permanent) trend, people have embraced it.
This mental illness of gender fluidity and sexual organ decapitation and mutilation while either pumping themselves or their kids full of hormones in order to feed their own social media dopamine necessity and narcissistic gratification has somehow been allowed to continue. Hell, it’s even often encouraged. So, if we can’t see that this absolutely moronic attention seeking behavior alone is a sign of the end times, we need to look closer. What in our world is so important to us that it would take the presence of the most vile, evil, immoral creature in biblical lore to make us undo social norms and suddenly go against something we for years have held beloved in our hearts. What do many Americans hold near and dear to them, almost to a fault, that it would take an absolute diabolical being to make us rethink our love for it without so much as a second thought?
Beer.
Picture this ultimate American scenario: Joey Chestnuts eating hot dogs in the bed of a beat up old red pickup truck, one of those mammoth American flags flying, and it’s being driven by a cowboy hat wearing Hulk Hogan with a hound dog next to him as they all, dog included, smoke a Marlboro. Behind their heads a shotgun is firmly secured while country music blasts through the speakers. And the final piece missing in that image to make it pure ‘Murica? A cold can of beer sitting in the cupholder with a cooler on the floor of the passengers seat with ice cold backups for immediately after that within arm’s reach can runs dry. While picturing this scenario, in addition to the hard on you may have, that beer you pictured most likely would have been a Budweiser.
Notice I said “would have”. This is because we have seen a sudden shift in our beer drinking habits. It used to be a no-brainer that come time to buy a case of beer for a BBQ, a tailgate, a pregame or just to have some cold beer waiting for you in the fridge after a hard days work, we Americans would reach for Budweiser or Bud Lights. The undisputed royalty of American beer.
Is it the best beer? No, far from it. We didn’t care though; it was good enough to do the trick and people wouldn’t complain if they showed up at your house and that was your liquid nectar offering of choice to drink while you both sit and watch a gam. Bud absolutely dominated both sales and marketing in America. You couldn’t watch a football game on Sundays and not be bombarded with nonstop Bud commercials. Ads would adorn the walls of stadiums all over the country, the obvious go-to beer for any event. Characters and catchphrases would enter the zeitgeist as soon as they showed up in commercials, dilly dilly!
Sales were soaring and Bud was king. Bud Light has been the #1 selling beer in the country for a while, and it didn’t seem there was an end in sight. College kids would routinely buy 30 racks by the truckload, out of shape Monday morning quarterbacks would stock up for the ten hours of football they’d be watching on their couches every Sunday during football season. Bars would have as many backup Bud Light kegs in storage than they would employees on hand. Coors Light and Miller Lite tried to keep up, but Bud Light had simply become the standard beer to be drank during any activity where beer was a custom (AKA any activity in general). Budweiser was the king and we Americans overindulged in its lighter prince Bud Light (cause you gotta cut some calories when you’re binge drinking your body weight in beer). What could go wrong for Anhueser-Busch, the company that made this American staple?
I think John 2:22 sums it up best: This is the antichrist, he who denies the Father and the Son.
If Budweiser is the father and Bud Light is its son, we only need find the antichrist. And along came the biblical beast in all his glory in the form of a boy by the name of Dylan Mulvaney. An ostentatiously flamboyant little boy who came from a family of privilege. Dylans grandfather was vice-president of the San Diego Padres and President for some corrupt bank that supported Richard Nixon back in the day. Dylans father… well he bakes cookies and hands them out for free. (Seriously.)
Dylan meanwhile, watching his dad hard at work in the kitchen with flour and sugar caked into his frilly apron day in and day out, wanted to be famous. Dylan acted in some plays and even appeared on the Price is Right, but never achieved the desired level of fame he clearly sought so hard. So what’s an attention seeking narcissist to do these days when they lack any actual talent, have been coddled their entire lives with money (and baked goods), have never had to work hard a day in their life or been told “no” and, above all else, are in desperate need of attention? Well social media and gender dysmorphia go hand in hand with quick and easy gratification and follows. Chop that dick off*, slap some lipstick on, wear a dress and join the cult.
So rises the antichrist in the story of Dylan Mulvaney. Deception is a common theme in the bible when discussing the antichrist (according to google), so it comes as no surprise Dylan is attempting to deceive the world into believing he is a woman.
Daniel 11:21: In his place shall arise a contemptible person to whom royal majesty has not been given. He shall come in without warning and obtain the kingdom by flatteries.
It took very little time for Dylan to have celebrities like Drew Barrymore kneeling at his feet in worship and his own personal path to the ear of our president. Though, in Bidens defense, Dylan is one of the few little girls he chose not to creepily fondle.
This mythical beast of the heshe’s seemed unstoppable, and his next conquest (after the faux-fame and raking in millions from Hollywood and woke companies like Nike, who pay Chinese kids pennies on the nickel to work 27 hours a day to make Lebrons personal sneakers) was the rest of us. This was where the antichrist Dylan overplayed his hand. In joining with Bud Light for some really weird promotion to celebrate Dylans 1 year anniversary as a girl, the world collectively decided they had had enough of this woke culture that promotes the absolute stupidity of this gender dysphoria nonsense. Where once we all stood firmly, without hesitation, behind Bud Light as our go-to beer, within days Bud Light lost the support of an entire country. The antichrist took something we all genuinely loved and ruined its entire reputation.
Side note- how is Dylan only celebrating being a girl for 1 year but says he has really been one his entire life? Are transvestite years like dog years? Do they count different than human years? Is Caitlyn Jenner only 8 years old? Shouldn’t neither one be allowed to drive or vote? Much like them, I am very confused.
Seemingly overnight, Bud Light went from the number 1 beer in the world to an absolute laughingstock. All because they decided their marketing campaign of selling to absolutely everyone who wanted to drink beer while they reaped in a shitload of money was not working. No, they decided they needed to alienate their entire customer base, because it was too much of a “frat guy” culture (AKA the ones who rent U-Hauls to transport the amount of beer they buy). Bud Light quickly tanked in sales, basically trying to give away their liquid slop since the cross-promotion with Dylan the antichrist. The 4th of July, the day every American would wake up and stick a Bud Light IV into their arm before singing Lee Greenwood and BBQing every meat they could get their hands on apart from the family dog, was barren of any Bud products. Modelo, a Mexican beer, firmly planted itself as the top beer in our country, which honestly had to have made many Trump supporters quite confused, much like Dylan and Caitlyn. (That joke didn’t count the first time, it was in a side note). Those bad hombres made one helluva beer.
And now, Anhueser-Busch is selling many of its other beer brands and closing down numerous plants, all because little Dylan Mulvaney needed some attention. The antichrist singlehandedly ended an entire beer empire that had shown no previous signs of any weakness.
Revelation 19:20– And the beast was captured, and with it the false prophet who in its presence had done the signs by which he deceived those who had received the mark of the beast and those who worshiped its image. These two were thrown alive into the lake of fire that burns with sulfur.
Is Dylan Mulvaney the antichrist or a false prophet? I guess both, since she’s also a he. Maybe Dylan the boy is the antichrist and Dylan the girl is the false prophet. The mark of the beast is clearly those awful Bud Light cans with the image of Dylan marred on them. I don’t know where the sulfur comes into play here. Maybe they used it to disintegrate Dylans penis? Not sure how that works.
And so I think America has truly seen the beginning of the antichrist in Dylan Mulvaney. With it’s ugly head scaring the same children Dylans father gives cookies to** we have looked into the eyes of Satan. Is the end truly near? This guy can’t say for sure, but if it is, I’ll be drinking some cold Coors yellow jackets and watching from afar.
*Unclear if Dylan chopped his dick off or is just playing dress up while also being able to continue to use a urinal.
** that’s a whole other issue someone should probably look into
The Brew Pound 